A Step Son And Unwanted Dog Are Driving Me Crazy, I Can’t Stand It Anymore! What Should I Do?!?

Gosh, you guys, I have decided to post my question both in Family and Pets section of Yahoo Answers! Thanks to all of you who will patient enough to read my post. I desperately need your help! The situation is really not good.
See, I have been dealing with a lot lately, and talking to friends and family hasn’t helped me one bit. Here is the situation. I married a wonderful guy more than 6 yrs ago. He has a son from a previous marriage and until a year ago, he lived with his mom and we would see him every other weekend, even lately it had been once a month and less. That was fine, really, I knew he would go after the weekend, I would clean up after that and everything would go back to normal. We have gotten along just fine. He will be 18 in January next year. So out of nowhere, the ex of my husband decided last year to send him here, to live with us, saying she couldn’t handle him anymore (the thing is that her new boyfriend and her son didn’t get along, and she wanted to move in with the guy). So, my DH just told me one night, without even asking me and talking about it first, that Kyle was going to move in with us. So he did, and it took me forever, I mean forever to get used to the nasty boy that he was and still is. I am a little on the clean side, love my nice and clean house, and work hard for it, but he, he is pure nasty – top to bottom. I fussed and fussed, asked and begged DH to talk to him and straighten him out, but he wouldn’t, because he wanted to be best buddies. So all I could do, is either fuss and have my husband thrown all the time, or suck it in, and clean after him. I stopped fussing, which maybe was a mistake (now DH knows I can put up with things). And it is like this wasn’t enough, 6 months ago, they brought in a dog. That was after my saying no to his son’s bringing two snakes with him. I told him to get a cat, a dog, something else, but the snakes were not to come in here. He is very irresponsible, and has happened before, him leaving the snakes’ cage unlocked, and the pythons have gotten out. Well, the snakes he didn’t bring with him, but that dog came. No one is taking care of it, it is not being brushed, it is not getting a bath, and I hate it. My husband is totally aware that I can’t stand the freaking dog, but he likes it and it is not going anywhere without a major disaster in our marriage. So first, he brought his son in; I gave in, put up with all, and as soon as I got over it, then there was the dog. It is a freaking huge dog, a german shepard/lab mix, it needs a lot of walks and stuff, and it is not getting it. All she ever does is lie down and sleep on her back, with her legs wide spread and her stuff exposed at all times for everyone to “enjoy the sight”. Gosh, I hate her! I am not a bad person; trust me, just not a dog lover. On top of it all, we have a son, he just started Kindergarten. He doesn’t care much about the dog, but sometimes, he will play with her and get all covered with hairs and stuff. The hair is everywhere, in the fridge, on the table, where we eat, on top of my dish wrack, where the clean dishes are, just everywhere. There isn’t a place in the house where she isn’t allowed, she goes everywhere. She is potty trained and stuff, but she scratches (don’t know why, she has no fleas or ticks), the hair is everywhere. They are not cleaning her up, my house is a mess, and I am trying to raise my little sweet child. I love my husband to death, took his child and am taking real good care of all of them, but because I stay home, I am stuck with the freaking dog at all times. We did talk a little bit before he brought the dog in, but as I have never been around animals, I had no idea how nasty the house would get. Now, if he had told me, D., there would be a lot of hair, hair everywhere, and with no cleaning it up, I would have said no. He refuses to make her an all outdoor dog, even though he spent a ton of money on el. collar, el. fence, a dog house and whatnot. So what happened is, we got a dog, right when the country is in such a crisis, I don’t work, my husband’s ex doesn’t give a penny for her almost 18 year old son, who lives with us now (we used to pay her every month like more than $400.00 a month for child support). My husband refused to ask her for anything, brought the dog in (spent a ton, on a doggy plan at the vets), his son is here, a real big expense and I am stuck in the middle to try and stay saine. I love my husband, we had the perfect life until his son came in and then the dog. So, I don’t know how long the son will stay with here, but am hoping after graduating HS will go (which I hightly doubt it, since he’s got it so good here – doesn’t do a thing around the house, and if it happens, he wants money, he doesn’t work, and I am cleaning and cooking for him at all times), he gets everything that he ever asks, without having to do a thing for it. The dog, I don’t know – I have no idea why my husband woul

14 Responses to “A Step Son And Unwanted Dog Are Driving Me Crazy, I Can’t Stand It Anymore! What Should I Do?!?”

TJ on June 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm

The husband allowed an almost 18 yr. old to move in with you upon a moments notice and he isnt setting any ground rules and is letting the boy run all over you and your house and is being allowed to be irresponsible and a slob. This is not fair. You are his wife and you have a child and this boy is ruining your home life and marriage. He is irresponsible and a slob and as long as your husband allows him to live there without standing up for you and making him behave like an adult in your home the situation will not get any better. The father cant be “best buds”!!!!!! He needs to step in and straighten out this kid NOW and set the ground rules!! I would tell my husband that he is choosing this boy over you and your child and that he should have discussed this with you before allowing him to move in and that he needs to consider his wife and child first and rectify this situation or you are moving out. I know you love him and care about him and have a child with him but you are paying a high price here and its ridiculous!! Tell the husband he needs to step up and be the man of the house. I would insist that the dog has to go. Put it up for adoption free to good home in the newspaper and find it a better home. The boy isnt brushing it, walking it, and generally leaving it to you to take care. I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if this situation does not change it is going to ruin your marriage that you want the boy out of the house in January when he is a legal adult and let him go out there in the real world and figure it out!!!!! Im not heartless by any means but your husband is totally disregarding your well being here. He needs to wake up and see what a disaster this boy is causing and his dog is causing to your home life and marriage or he is going to lose you. I would definitely move in with my mom or a family member if the situation doesnt change and let your husband deal with the situation by himself. He’s got you cooking, cleaning, and caring for all of them and that is taking advantage of you. Any man that can stand by and have total disregard for his wife and kid and marriage isnt all that darling of a person. Best Wishes!!
grumpyol on June 23rd, 2009 at 1:45 am

Not your day is it?
liz . on June 23rd, 2009 at 7:56 am

WOW looks like your stuck with a life your not too happy about. Well here’s all I can offer first the dog I too have a german shepard yes they do shed everywhere and its gross. Her itching she might have dry skin we are giving our dog fish oil pills to help with that. But there’s no help for the shedding unless you shave her! I know your not supposed to but boy is it tempting. Keep her in her pen when shes just home with you its not going to hurt her any.
Now the step son my step brother used to do anything that would just piss my mom off and it always worked. My dad would never do anything because he only seen him every other weekend. So if the boy makes a mess in the house throw the crap in his room. If you wash his clothes don’t fold them put them in his room let him deal with it. If hes hungry when its not time for a meal tell him to make a sandwich by himself. This situation is one that your almost going to have to just deal with and get used to. Its your husbands son and now hes getting tons of time with the boy. Think of how he feels (the boy) his own mom didn’t want him because a boyfriend was more important. How selfish is she. Just step in and try to get along with him. Ask him when he is going to get a job most kids that age try to get one. good luck
Bonnie L on June 23rd, 2009 at 11:16 am

Wow, post is way too long. I didn’t read it, and I suspect that most people won’t. Talk to a therapist.
Hannah on June 23rd, 2009 at 1:36 pm

WOW that was a long story lol!
You are having an awful time
But the fact is, if your husband and his son are away at school and work all day, why not put the dog out into his kennel when they are away and bring him in when they come home. This gives you some peace and quiet.
You should also try and wash the dog, it’s not his fault your husband and son don’t look after him. He won’t shed as much if you wash and brush him thoroughly.
If you just can’t stand it, Give your husband an ultimatum, it’s me or the dog.
All the best
Rosalie on June 23rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm

The electric collar wire can be installed in the rafters of the basement, so as to limit the dog’s access to the kitchen and to your young son’s room and play area.
The key here is to give everyone their own space – let your stepson have his room to trash, but with the caveat that the rest of the house MUST be picked up. That will take away any problems with him not having somewhere to be, if he wants to be a typical 18 year old kid. Do keep in mind he has been rejected by his own mother, and this can’t be easy. Teenagers are gross – no way around that. He may be more responsible if he has a place that is his very own, which everyone needs. That’s fair.
As for the dog – consider that the dog may actually have food allergies – if she is being fed a run-of-the-mill kibble that contains mainly corn and chicken, consider switching her over to Nutro Natural Choice Lamb & Rice – do it only three kibble per day to avoid bloat. It may well be that her skin issues and scratching are a result of her itching from an allergy.
You really need to sit down and tackle each problem in a way that will fix each separate probem – many of these things are a matter of practicality, and by separating the things that are conflicting, you may have a better shot at resolving them.
But the real issue is that your husband came as a package, and you and he MUST be on the same page, or you will not only lose him, but quite frankly he should be lost – he needs to participate in a plan for his son, and the one you have between you needs to be kept safe as well. But this is something you should also have anticipated, as no man should be allowed to abandon his kids, no matter how big they are. You need to make a plan of action, and then work as a team.
I do sympathize – this isnt an easy position to be in – but you have it in your power to take control, and make your needs and the needs of those around you, known. And remember, whatever you do, you are teaching your young son tolerance and love if you manage to accomodate the various members of the family – and no kid ever died of dog fur.
•TooT• on June 23rd, 2009 at 8:57 pm

I suggest a furminator for the dog its a brush type thing that pullls all the loose hair out of the coat and helps with shedding use it daily then weekly.
Sounds like its not as much about the dog as it is about the kid. I would start by really talking with your husband ask him about giving kyle a chore list or making him get an after school job and paying some rent Then you need to keep the rent money he gives you and save it to give back to him towards an apartment when he is ready.
As hard as it maybe what he needs is a loving parent its obvious that his mother was unable to do it so maybe you should step in.
good luck and remember what ever you are feeling good or bad talk to your husband… Talk don’t Yell
Leaine Ni Loingsigh on June 23rd, 2009 at 10:34 pm

Your stepson is 18? He should have much more respect than that! Tell him straight up that firstly, if he doesn’t start taking care of the dog then it will go- simple as, also stop giving him money for doing nothing!
Secondly, make him get a part-time job! You need him out of the house and he needs to learn responsibility!
If your husband doesn’t like it than tough! Stand up for yourself and refuse to hear the word ‘No’! You, and your little boy, don’t deserve it! It will work out better for all concerned in the long run.
Innin B on June 24th, 2009 at 2:28 am

okay i read your story !!!
maybe you should talk to your husband agree that the dog may only be inside if he is clean on an old rug mat wateva by the door from lets say 5 till 8 pm or something like that
the boy make him do chores if he wants his pocket money
train the dog make the boy play outside with the dog for atleast 4 hours every week cleaning the dog 1 every 2 weeks brushing it every four days
life isent as easy as it looks and you have to teach the boy that
cameo's Mom on June 24th, 2009 at 8:17 am

Sit them both down and let them read all of this from start to finish! Including all of the answers!
Set some simple but ground rules as this is your home too.
Counseling for you because they probably think they don”t need it.
Ultimatums never work.
I for one, would not “do his laundry, clean his room etc.” Shut the door to his room and let him live in it. At nearly 18 he needs a “wake up call”.
Start taking the dog to the groomer and that will help some with the hair problem and making it easier or you.
The dog doesn’t get the “run of the house anymore.” Kitchen and any other room you designate is off limits with a baby gate or two.
Complaining isn’t working, take some action.
Like plan some outings for you and your little son & husband…the stepson won’t want to go to baby fun things.
If you let them treat you like the maid, you will always be the “maid.”
ladykenm on June 24th, 2009 at 2:40 pm

You need family counseling. Or stand on your own two feet, take your younger son pack up and leave. Your wonderful husband isn’t listening to you nor has he have a backbone to make some rules for his almost immature 18 yr old son.This son is playing his father for everything he can get out of him. You could start demanding that the dog gets trained (poor dog, but his dog and he pays for it) or it goes. The son will go when he reaches the legal age of 18 or he gets job and takes on more responsibilities and pays rent. Stand your ground and stop being a doormat to be walked on. You are not getting the respect from either the son or wonderful husband, so it is counseling time or walk out. You are much to good for them. If you leave and take your son with you, make sure you get child support. Since your husband will not have to support his soon to be 18 yr old, ask for the maximum child support. The law is on your side.
Above Ground Pool Supplies on June 24th, 2009 at 7:41 pm

You do have a problem. First, you need a long, serious talk with your husband. Find a sitter and go somewhere quiet and private and when you are both in a good more. Explain to him that you are trying but you are overwhelmed because you feel that you are making all the sacrifices. Tell him that you love his son, but you feel that at nearly 18, he needs some responsibility. The 2 of you need to get on the same page so you can present a unified front to his son. If you start attacking and accusing, then you will get nowhere because your husband will become very defensive, very quickly. As for the dog, you need to actually get to know the dog. Because you never wanted it, you have never given it a chance. Take a brush and use it. Grooming helps bond as well as keeps the shedding in check. If its scratching all the time, it may have some allergies too.
I know you’re in a tough situation. But making ultimatums usually makes thing worse. You sound like you have tried to make things work, but you have done so by expecting the worst to happen. Try looking for good. Your husband gets to spend more time with his son. Instead of complaining about how bad the boy is, remember he is still a teenager and will act like one. Also think of it as a way for your husband to teach his son how to grow into a mature caring man like your husband. The dog can be a tool for family growth too. The four of you can take the dog for a walk together. Stop the “I have to give everything up for everyone else” way of thinking and start thinking about the positive way things could turn out. Good luck.
Rae on June 24th, 2009 at 10:38 pm

wow… and i though my situation is bad. i was clean too you know… but my older brother.. gezz.. i’ve been living with him for 3 years, everytime i clean the house it turns to **** within 24 hours… back to the state it was. He also bought home a dog one day, a pitbull. i also hated her.. but now.. i love her to death. he rarely walks her, takes her out, i do it nearly every day… why? because i don’t like living in a house were i hate the residents, and i ended up having a very strong bond with her.
ok the step son, first off your husband (just like my dad) has paid his fair share of child support, It’s her turn. i don’t give a **** if he doesn’t want to piss her off, he’s supporting her child. he also need to get a back bone and tell that brat he needs to behave. you can scare him into doing this by telling him you’ve had enough and you’ll come back when his son acts like a responsible person and doesn’t need someone to pick up after him… if that doesn’t work…
how does bording school sound?
That dog needs boundries, get some baby gates so she can’t just wander around
DP on June 25th, 2009 at 4:43 am

Man… I read a little more than 1/2 of this thing.. What I see is a family that NEEDS counseling badly..You resent the son, and the dog.. You want to hoard your husband for yourself.. something that you should have known was never going to happen, given he was married before and had a kid..
I think you should clean the dog up, train the dog.. You should quit complaining, let your husband spend the time with his kid.. The more you deal with this, the better off things will be between you and your husband now and after the kid is gone..
This is life man.. You gotta quit being so intolerant and start working with people.

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